"I've fallen away for years, ... Am rebellious, ... I have much pride" 

           First of all, do not panic.  God is sovereign, He is on His throne, and if you go by His rules (God's Laws + Atonement), Doing what He says to do (God's friend), and trusting God alone to do what HE says He will do in response, you will be FINE (Righteous Life)!!!  

But my eyes are fixed on You, O Sovereign LORD; in You I take refuge—do not give me over to death. Psalm 141:8  

The LORD is in His holy temple; the LORD is on His heavenly throne. He observes the sons of men; His eyes examine them. Psalm 11:4

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; love and faithfulness go before You. Psalm 89:14

            Your throne was established long ago; You are from all eternity. Psalm 93:2

                        The LORD has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all. Psalm 103:19

Thank you for contacting us.  The fact that you are sooo scared to not be being under God's will shows that God has great things planned for you in a wonderful relationship with Himself! 

You mentioned two important things:  

1.      “I have little faith.  I have much unbelief.”   Say this verse aloud and remember this verse –  “Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the Word of Christ. Romans 10:17  

Listen to Christian radio preachers non-stop.  Listen on the internet, http://www.oneplace.com/.  Choose from a wide selection> (http://www.needhope.net/faith_by_hearing.htm)   They are all true if they preach the Word of God and not socialization.  Look for “What is God saying, doing in this Bible passage. Look at the reactions of the people.  What is going on?  What is God showing us of His character, of our life with Him?”   

            Notice these verses>  Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"  Read the full story here>  Mark 9:24                 Jesus replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. Luke 17:6 

Walk by faith, do not cry out to people, obey God and do good.  

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.  Micah 6:8  We LIVE by faith, not by sight.  2 Corinthians 5:7

Jesus answered, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."  Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.  If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. John 14:15, 21,23,24, John 15:10

2.      “I have much pride.  Many questions come into my mind wanting me to not trust people or God.”  

Asking questions is not a sign of pride, but a sign of desiring to know.  If you do not accept the answers, or refuse God’s Word, then that is  pride.  I never saw you hating God nor hating His  Word in our conversation.  You DO want God and His life-hold on you.  That is NOT pride.              Pride is a big problem for many.  To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. Prov 8:13   Create in me a pure heart!! 

Actions to take –

            The steps for your future are at your heart, mind, will, feet, and mouth.   While we are praying for you, you have the gift of free will, and the desire by God to be saved from hell.  It is your choice to choose to submit under the Sovereign Lord Jesus Christ.  

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me.  Matthew 28:18, Eph 1:18-23        To Him Who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.  Jude 1:24,25    Christ, Who is the head over every power and authority.  Colossians 2:10

            The place to start is here>  The Sinner’s prayer

Pray this out loud.  Pray it directly to the living God Who DOES hear you!  Do not fret if other thoughts get in the way, your soul will be blessed both short term and long when you pray it with your mouth out loud. Listen well to what you are saying to the Living God.  You are making a contract with Him based on His Son Jesus' Death Atonement.   You can repeat it as often as you feel the need, but trust and live by what you have done which IS real and effective.  

            Lord God, I know that You are holy and all powerful.  Lord God, I know that You love me and that You sent Your only begotten Son Jesus Christ to come and live on this earth to teach us of Your love, to show us of Your love, and to heal us, eat with us, fish with us, and take the punishment that we deserve for all of our wrong doing against You a holy God.  

        Lord, I know that I cannot get to heaven on my own. I know that my sin separates me from You, a Holy God. God, I know that You love me. Because You love me, I am using my free will to choose to make You my savior and God, and the Lord over my life.  I know that Jesus Christ took the penalty for my sins on His cross. I ask that You place all of my sins on the cross of Jesus Christ, taking the punishment that I deserve. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit that I would live for You for the rest of my life. Please teach me, guide me, show me and grow me according to Your Word for Your glory, purpose and delight. Thank You for making me your child!! I love you! Praise be to the Lord Jesus Christ! Amen.

Whenever you read God’s Word, read it OUT Loud so that your faith will increase.  

Read out loud, for your hearing, 

Our Relationship with God is based on this.                     God’s promises to you.

Choose to truly have a wonderful life!                                

Begin to Trust again.                         Where is the Hope?                  

Friendship with God ??                                             How to be with God without end. 

The Lord God Almighty has many Character Traits – Compassion and anger. The Lord grows angry when He is ignored, defied, disobeyed, and yet, God always looks with compassion and draws people to Himself, as He is drawing you!! 

ALSO to do>>  Attend regularly “sustenance and food” for your soul which has been starving to death and been being picked to death by the enemy of your soul.   Read, listen to, and attend a Bible preaching church where the Word of God is the sole authority.  

(God) humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deuteronomy 8:3                Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' "    Matthew 4:4

            Search for churches with good solid Biblical teaching from the Word of God in your area.    Here are some suggested church search engines =   http://www.usachurch.com/  or http://directory.crosswalk.com/  or   local church search engine. 

            It is worth the trip for your life and eternal life.  Expect to spend many hours there the first day, soaking in the flavor.  Melt yourself there, trust and relax.  Do not wiggle or fight within the hand of God.  Just absorb and let your own rough edges be disintegrated.  

          We recommend to go and see someone in person.  The Body of Christ has people there to serve you.  It is there to give you support.  See someone face to face for what you need. Churches have many ministries for many types of people. Go talk to them, meet people there, and surely there is someone there that can help you further.  

    ALSO to do>>  

1.      Meditate on the good things of God  Luke 18:19 , Phil 4:4-8 

2.      And have your heart delight in God  Psalm 37  

Additional sites to see >>    My Room      Sinful Life      The Devil

-Hell              ~Righteousness       ~Heaven         Love defeats Fear

 Have a blessed day!   Remember, Jesus Christ is God and only God’s Word is True and Perfect!!   Memorize and Live Psalm 1

As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.  Psalm 18:30

     Door to More 

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